the pause: (an accident)

 

 

for fuck's sake. i pause.

i accidently hit the off
instead of the snooze,
now i'm late for work.
     -i pause again.

my eyes blinked twice,
     -is this saturday?
why is the sun up?
     -i was just wandering
     a creepy house. not now.

now i am born again
into this light on the ceiling,
and the racket of a car
outside,
     -diesel engine starting.

this is a fresh confusion,
dizziness the ruler of thought.
i suck on my yesterday jeans
and my feet slide,
     -please stop them,
to the bathroom exigently.

what is this place?
who has built this
around me      -for me?
it is cruel that I am, i am
imprisoned in this mad space.

i should be more alive,
but this forced entry
into the objective world has
dampened my grey spirits,
     -to the benefit
     of a tick toward death.

i'm pushed downstairs
by an immovable force.
i'm forced through the routine
by intermittent habit.

my right hand grabs lunch /
my left the car keys.
my feet are dancing around
in unnecessary circles
     -in the kitchen.

i'm out the door,
heading down the road.
who are these people?
this is not the same traffic.
in a brief moment of cognition
i see i am shirtless.

Mark David Jordan, 2011