waiting: (to want)

 

 

i.

the chair faces a corner
where I sit and contemplate the crack.
to live I am made to work,
so I am not going to satisfy them by saving it.
   -I'm not going to savor it either.

I am a sieve. a holey device in transition.
only the thick will remain after the passing.
I am a crack in the sieve.

I'll spend it as I get it
   -so it may run out.
I will starve to death, for life,
but at least I will keep busy starving.

I cannot just sit.
I'll feed those trying to make me run out.
   -they are everywhere and proud.

they are not going to die. they think.
we must all buy.
   -we must all sign in ink.


ii.

the work space I am in is holding back
my mind which wants to become a rainbow.
this inadequate freedom.

rainbows are slow and crawl along slowly.

I know I can be forever here.
you understand that. it is disciplined imagination.
it is saying "yes".

this forever is a memory of the future.
in this place, if I blink once, I've crawled along.
time has flown away.

they are not going to die, they think.
we must all buy.
   -we must all sign in ink.


iii.

I want friends
so I can have a reflection without mirrors.

I want to be negative
so others can feel positive.

I want to move quickly thru life
so death will come slower.

I'm starving to death because I can’t say "no".
I want.
I'm sitting here waiting, waiting to blink.

   -waiting to sign in ink.


iv.

I'm waiting to want more.

trying to look like someone - I can find myself.

changing the way I do things - I can be accepted.

ironing my clothes - I can unwrinkle my soul.

working hard - I can have things I don't need.

taking pictures - I can remember things.

cutting my hair - I can wear a smaller hat.

growing old - I can be wiser.

dying - I can avoid rent.

I'm here waiting to blink. We must all sign in ink.


v.

denying I am here to work,
I am trampled by the effects of change.

it cannot wait for me to starve.
I'm on a rainbow moving slowly.
I am the rainbow.

my eyelids are heavy. I'm lacking sleep.
they are nearing a close, about to blink.

they are not going to die. they think.
we must all buy.
   -we must all sign in ink.

Mark David Jordan, 2010